95 pages • 3 hours read
Rules of the Road
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Themes
The Power of Speaking Uncomfortable Truths
One of the major themes of the book is speaking the truth—both telling and accepting the truth however hard and hurtful it may be. All the main characters are wrestling with some degree of truth suppression, and in each case, this causes pain and perpetuates a damaging emotional cycle. Jenna often lies to Faith to shield her from their father’s alcohol addiction. For example, when Faith asks Jenna “Did he mention me? […] What did he say?” (16), Jenna lies and says “Yeah. Of course. […] He misses you and wishes he could have come around more and wonders how you’re doing” (17). This is a lie; their father never asks about Faith, but Jenna sees protecting her sister from being hurt in this way as “a responsibility that comes with being a big sister” (17). Jenna has decided Faith is not “missing much” (18) by not being involved. However, these lies are excluding Faith and not allowing her to make her own decisions about her relationship with her father. Far from being helpful, the reader senses that Faith knows she is being lied to, which only makes a bad situation worse. When Jenna is away, Faith gets a chance to deal with her father, and while there is no magical breakthrough it does allow Faith to see the whole picture and makes her appreciate Jenna more.
Jenna lies to her father, both about wanting to get together with him and then about why she can’t. When he shows up at her work she tells him, “We can get together when I’m not working, Dad” (12). When he asks to come round with pizza, she “lied and told him [she] was sick” (12), then followed up promptly with another lie by telling him that “maybe we could get together” (12) when she’s feeling better though she has no desire or intention of meeting him. This cycle of lies and guilt plagues Jenna, but it does not occur to her that telling the truth may break the cycle. When Harry Bender asks Jenna whether she has told her father how she feels, Jenna replies, “I couldn’t say that to my dad. He doesn’t take responsibility for anything” (151), to which Harry delivers the perspective that changes Jenna’s entire way of thinking, “Maybe saying it isn’t as much for him as it is for you” (152).
Harry Bender transformed his life from being without a home and addicted to alcohol to becoming a top shoe salesman and prominent member of AA by telling the truth. Harry told the truth to himself about his disease and that he couldn’t fight it alone. As Jenna emotionally tells the mourners at his funeral, “He wasn’t afraid of saying the truth, wasn’t afraid of telling people about the things he’d learned, about the things that almost ruined him. Those were the things that probably became his greatest strength. By talking about them and turning from them, he taught me to not be afraid of the darkness” (162). Truth had set Harry free. Jenna wishes her own father could face his deep denial and accept the truth about his drinking problem, thereby starting to climb “out of the biggest pit life” (132) has thrown him. Jenna does eventually tell her father exactly how his drinking has affected her and Faith, how difficult it was growing up with him, and the hard truth about who he is. Her father is not ready to accept the truth and clings to denial about his alcohol addiction. However, the release Jenna feels is exactly what Harry Bender alluded to. She is finally free; speaking the truth to her father is like “losing five hundred miserable pounds that I’d been lugging around for most of my life” (200).
Mrs. Gladstone also finds it difficult to accept the truth that her son, whom she loves, is manipulating and deceiving her. Eventually, with encouragement from Jenna, Alice, and Harry, Mrs. Gladstone is able to face the facts and stand up to Elden.
Difficult Parent-Child Relationships
An overarching theme of the book is the complicated and often difficult relationship between parents and their children. Jenna spent her childhood trying to please an alcohol-addicted father who was too self-absorbed to notice. Her guilt-ridden memories resurface at the slightest trigger, such as the sight of a margarita in a restaurant or the ringing of a telephone. Guilt colors everything because she couldn’t help him or stop his drinking. Jenna is a people-pleaser, which is a trait likely developed from her unfulfilled desire to please her father enough for him to care more about her than alcohol. The negative dynamic between Jenna’s mother and father coupled with his alcohol addiction resulted in Jenna shouldering heavy responsibility looking after her younger sister and covering for her drunk father. Even though Jenna is close with her mother, who is a positive role model, the divorce was hard on Jenna, and she is still caught in the middle of her parents, which is highlighted when she shouts at her mother, “He's my father! What do you want me to do when he comes around? Walk away? Leave him lying in the gutter! I can't do that! I've got to know he's OK! I've got to make sure he gets someplace safe! I don't hate him like you do!” (38). Throughout the book Jenna struggles to figure out how to navigate her relationship with her father, whom she loves and who loves her. By the end of the journey, she finally achieves clarity and can step back to focus on her own life by leaving her father to figure out his life without her.
Mrs. Gladstone and her relationship with her son Elden further expands the strained parent-child relationship theme. The heartbreak felt by Mrs. Gladstone on having to accept that her adult son doesn’t seem to love her and is more interested in making money than in the wellbeing of his own elderly mother is palpable. In this story arc, the child is manipulating the parent and almost succeeds in taking advantage of his mother’s advanced age and failing health. It is particularly painful for Mrs. Gladstone because Elden is her only child, and since her husband has died he is all the family she has left. Without the support of Alice, Jenna, and Harry Mrs. Gladstone would not have had the strength to stand up to her son, but she rallies and in the end accepts Elden for the lousy son he is and focuses on her own wellbeing.
Building Self-Esteem
Jenna’s development of self-esteem is a powerful theme running throughout the book. Initially Jenna focuses negatively on her height, her red hair, her “big and boxy” (16) shoulders, and constantly compares herself to her beautiful younger sister. Jenna’s self-esteem takes a hit in high school, where she is bullied for gaining weight and her dropping grades. She takes another hit from her father, who makes her feel less important than his cars and his alcohol. Initially, the only place Jenna feels valued is at Gladstone’s Shoes, where she excels at selling shoes and interacting with customers.
Mrs. Gladstone further boosts Jenna’s confidence by choosing her to be her driver and companion on the trip to Texas. By placing trust in her driving, her knowledge of the shoe business, and eventually in her advice on how to deal with Elden, Mrs. Gladstone allows Jenna to shed her self-image as a gawky, useless teenager. Alice helps the transformation by showing Jenna how to enhance her natural beauty and style. Harry Bender adds the final ingredient for Jenna’s growth into a confident young adult: He helps her to see her father’s disease from a different perspective, which releases her from the responsibility she feels for his recovery and allows her to relinquish the guilt that was holding her back.
Mrs. Gladstone, who initially seems very self-assured, also suffers a hit to her self-esteem because of Elden’s cruel rejection of her principles and beliefs about her company. It is only through the love of her old friends Alice and Harry and the new friendship she forms with Jenna that she regains her self-confidence. “Welcome back, tiger. You’re sounding like your old self” (115) is Alice’s observation as Mrs. Gladstone choses to follow her instinct rather than acquiesce to Elden’s demands.
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